Little Black Book Index
Edictum Doloris
– Latin for ~
Manifesto of Pain
Generational Shame
The following poem was penned by my mom
in the wake of her Evangelistic father’s abandonment
with his sister-in-law Pearl, a member of his congregation.
The poem suggests mom lived with Basil and Pearl
until she ran away at age 16.
Basil continued the cycle of abuse against those in his domain.
The depth of creative expression revealed
in mom’s words is amazing with the witness of her own mother’s pain.
Mom became distrustful of men, having developed a negative schema which impacted her relationships with men thereafter.
Old Satan He’s My Dad
I once had a loveable father
He was so happy and gay
Till life was just a bother
And fate took him away.
Fate in the form of a woman
She was my Aunt at that
Who never was true to her loved one
The low, degraded rat.
They ran off to Texas
To have a glorious time.
Took all belongings with them
And only left a dime.
We spent it on milk for the baby.
He was a sweet little kid.
God only knows what possessed them
That they done what they did.
Dad left his worshipping companion.
She wouldn’t believe he had gone.
But when at last she was convinced
She prayed, “Oh God, what was wrong?”
Finally they brought them home.
But dad had to go to jail.
“Oh God!” I can’t see yet
Why they let him out on bail.
After all he’d done to mother
She still wanted him to come back.
She let him beat upon her
Her eyes were always black.
That rat and him together
Made life a burning hell.
And all the pain and misery
It is impossible to tell.
Then they got married
And left us all alone.
I done all the housework
Mom was never at home.
I don’t know what she sees
In that dirty old hypocrite.
Even if he is my father
I hate him and I can’t help it.
He makes me live with him
But it’s not going to be long
He thinks I’m his slave.
But that’s where he’s all wrong.
He refuses to let me have company
And won’t allow me off the place.
Unless he knows every word I speak
And every step I take.
I’m so tired of living
There’s nothing here any more.
Only God up in heaven
Has a place for the poor.
Every time I speak to a boy
I get a beating when I get home.
He can only hold me two more years
When this world I’ll roam.
You kids that got loving parents
I sure envy you.
I’ve no mother nor father now
I’m so lonesome, I don’t know what to do.
I just despise my father
and his so called wife.
The two devils together
Ruined my mother’s life.
My mother she is married
But she isn’t satisfied.
She acts like she acted
When my brother died.
She doesn’t understand me
Like she used to.
I just haven’t any mother
And I don’t know what to do.
So young folks all take warning.
From this story sad but true.
Trust only in the Savior.
He’ll always be true to you.
May Foote
Crystal
The reticulated feminine imagination of Firefly Horizons and aesthetic architect of its contextual nature. Crystal establishes artful metaphor and metonymy in interpretative language to convey abstract questions to easy answers. Through sovereign reflection, she initiates imaginative beginnings. Read more about Crystal • Articles by Crystal
stacy
oh my goodness, what a sad sad life she endured. Her words of pain are deep and profound. 🙁