OBCULTATIO ~ Latin for hiding, concealment
“That we write our story lest someone else write it for us.” James Hollis
Paradox: Starting with the Epilogue in understanding the Prologue: The Generational Series
I am a wounded healer by vocation, a mental health therapist. Part of the therapy that I offer clients is telling their story through their own perspective, not with the voice of their inner or outer accusers. Rather, helping them connect with their purest and deepest self. Chronicling our story from our own perspective is a vital part of the ongoing journey of healing. TS Eliot represents my heart and others like me, (INFJ’s in terms of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), who are not truly known. We are, “not known, because not looked for.”
Unconscious defense mechanisms are our “internal protectors” arriving in childhood to reduce our anxiety, allowing us to feel safe. The common defense mechanisms are: denial, rationalization, displacement, idealization, repression, sublimation and projection. My particular brand of defense was to dissociate from the pain of the moment. Hiding my true-self was the particular way of staying alive in an unaccepting environment as a little girl. Retaining an unassuming Detective Columbo-like persona, keeping incognito as long as possible while my internal protector subconsciously was enlisted; aka, a cloaking defense which shrouded my true-self from being a target of other’s hurtful and injudicious verbal projections. I found part of myself in a disheveled archetype, Detective Columbo. Peter Falk’s character as Columbo, possessed keen observation skills, whose nuanced trademark included a rumpled khaki raincoat and cigar. He was not socially polished but deliberately polite. Paradoxically I, who desire to be poised, articulate and known, feel as if I have been highly underestimated, like the detective.
David Whyte speaks to my own heart eloquently when he states in his prose, Hiding, “What is precious inside us does not care to be known by the mind in ways that diminish its presence.” Our soul survival hungers to connect with those who will not diminish us. Rather, we long for those who allow our truest and purest self to be felt and known without accusation. It is rare to find those who will presence with us in order to allow ourselves to feel cherished and held purely.
Being an introvert, I realize how I had unconsciously positioned myself to stay hidden from others knowing me. I say unconsciously because I have a longing to be known…deeply known, understood and accepted. My work with clients reveal this as a universal need in humanity. Taking this a step further, I still wholeheartedly wish for the openness of loving and compassionate acceptance from others. However, knowing that I do not have control over what another does in their stages of misunderstanding, I can end up feeling exiled by “the other” because “the other” for various reasons does not appear to have space to hold me or my perspective. Consequently, I must honor that and sometimes that might mean a painful parting of friendship.
Finding words that speak to my journey always has and will continue to be a passion and part of my healing process. David Whyte, a poet, and author is an inspiration to me. He speaks of “Hiding” in a way that is a necessary part of healing. Once hiding serves its purpose, and in my story, the purpose was to avoid having my soul dissected. Those who thought they knew me did not. This is my time to “step out of hiding into the light” and inhabit my vulnerability.
- HIDING from CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words.
- For further information on attachment: https://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html
The reticulated feminine imagination of Firefly Horizons and aesthetic architect of its contextual nature. Crystal establishes artful metaphor and metonymy in interpretative language to convey abstract questions to easy answers. Through sovereign reflection, she initiates imaginative beginnings. Read more about Crystal • Articles by Crystal